Squirrel Eulogy

Disclaimer: If you are faint of heart, or have especially loving feeling toward squirrels DO NOT READ THIS!

Today as I went on a leisurely bike ride up Provo canyon, I didn't realize that my trusty Mr. Schwinn would become an instrument of murder.
As Francis [the squirrel] awoke this morning he may have realized today was the day he was going to commit suicide; perhaps he had been planning his death for weeks now. Maybe he wanted to die because he had no squirrel friends, and all the other squirrels made fun of him.
 In my opinion, Francis would never do such a thing. He seemed like a happy squirrel. In my time with him I came to realize that he was a good squirrel. Most likely when Francis awoke on the morning of his doom, he simply thought he would go for a morning jaunt, but alas, he didn't know that my old M. Schwinn would end his life in a most gruesome way. Unfortunately it did.Unfortunately the squirrel's death may have scarred several young children watching, or listening for that matter. Because as I was biking down that canyon on that Schwinn of mine, I had no options, and Francis collided with my front tire. I cried out in agony as I heard the crunch and realized that Mr. Schwinn had become a murderer and I his accomplice. We  turned the bike path into rodent homicide crime scene.
Mr. Schwinn and I have committed a murder. A squirrel murder. So, I thought it appropriate that I write a eulogy for Francis. I know that it's not common practice for a murderer to do such a thing, and I realize I've never written a Eulogy before ( although I did just google how to write a Eulogy.) but it just seems right. After all, squirrels don't know how to write or talk.  So here it goes:
Dear Francis,
You were a very fluffy squirrel, you always seemed to have a spring in your step and a nut in your cheeks. You were adored by many of your squirrel friends to be sure and I'm sure you made their lives better in a multitude of way. Have fun in squirrel heaven. You will be dearly missed on the Provo River Trail. You will live on forever in the nightmares of those children bystanders.
Love,
Steph and Mr. Schwinn